~ THE LAST JEDI ~

[Lambchops]

Yes it's BAD.... so very bad.

PLOT SUMMARY:

Rebels slowly get killed off by extras while nobody achieves anything. Also apprentice sith kills master sith - as per usual - which has no effect on anything. In the end about 8 rebels escape in the falcon, cheering about their huge victory.


Poll #2  WHICH CHARACTER ACHIEVES THE LEAST?

LUKE


Does nothing. Sits around on an island being grumpy and hating himself for being a loser. Almost teaches Rey some stuff but doesn't really. Projects an illusion of himself to slow down the bad guys, stops to chat with his sister but forgets to tell anyone they should be running away. Doesn't even die properly.


REY


Sits around projecting her daddy issues on Luke for most of the movie then runs off to find her boyfriend because "I can change him". Doesn't change him. Gets slapped around by Voldemort. Breaks a lightsabre. Moves some rocks.

KYLO REN


Fails. Kills some villagers. Cries. Fails some more. Has D&Ms with Rey. Cries some more. Poses a bit. Cries. Kills his master (like duh). Stays evil. Stays pathetic at being evil. Shoots a few rebels. Cries some more. Fails some more.

LEIA


Achieves absolutely nothing apart from stunning her own moronic pet fly-boy with a blaster... Yeah so she used the force to get back to the airlock so what?

FINN and ROSE



Spend most of the movie on a fool's errand which does absolutely nothing except give information to a traitor that gets half the rebels killed. Finn almost destroys the big gun at the end but Rose stops him because she wants to get in his pants (sorry galaxy).

VOLDEMORT


Completes his second full-length feature film of doing nothing apart from talking in an evil voice and pushing around subordinates (and Rey) by finally dying, which doesnt even slow down the bad guys because he wasn't doing anything anyway.

POE


Disobeys orders and gets masses of his fellow rebels killed destroying one big ship. Gets demoted. Stages a mutiny for a stupid plan that fails. Also fails at the mutiny. Trys to kill the big gun outside the rebel base at the end. Fails at that too. Has a reputation for blowing things up but when he finds a big pile of rocks in a base full of armaments can't work out how to get past it. Says and does stupid, stupid things all movie.

YODA


 Laughs at Luke. Burns the jedi texts then says that Rey (almost completely untrained and only started using the force like a week or two before) already knows everything in them.

HOLDO

Actually kicks some ass with the whole light speed ship-smashing thing, but could never recover from that little exchange with Leia where they talk about how much they like the moron who just held her at gunpoint (who is writing this tripe?).


.... But the winners of the character special achievement award are: Finn, Rose and Poe... for inventing teleportation!

    Finn spends 10 minutes in a speeder flying out towards the big gun while people die all over the place protecting him. Then Rose stops him by smashing both of their speeders, then Poe also crashes his speeder into a trench. As Finn and Rose smooch the big gun fires in the background. Then 10 seconds later they are all back inside to watch Luke walk out through the hole it just made in the front door.

There's much more, but that is all the time I'm wasting on talking about this utterly lame piece of crap movie.

[~ToRa~]

This movie sucked.

Only saving grace was when luke used the force to make a hollogram of himself at the end before dying.

[Lambchops]

This movie sucked.

Only saving grace was when luke used the force to make a hollogram of himself at the end before dying.

Yeah it was good of him to finally turn up.... not.

Only he wasn't really there so he couldnt do anything apart from flip Kylo Ren the bird... well ok ... but the effort was so huge that it literally killed him. So then he must be sacrificing himself to buy time so that Leia and the rest of them can escape.

So every second counts, their lives are hanging in the balance, so then he just chats about old times and finally traipses off to talk to the bad guys, leaving the rebels to look at each other and argue about what to do next.


        Obi Wan :  "Run Luke, run!"    (and yes, that old guy did get the tractor beam)

        Gandalf :  "Fly, you fools!"      (and yes, that old guy did get the balrog)

        Skywalker : Long brooding silence while he gives his sister a fake charm bracelet then eventually leaves.

                                              ........ and no that old guy didn't get Jack





            DUMB DUMB DUMB    DUMB DAH-DUMB     DUMB DAH-DUMB  (hum it to Darth Vader's theme from Empire)

[I hate naggers]

yep. im a hater too

[Lambchops]

yep. im a hater too

Yeah, but I don't hate it because of the black guy, I hate it because of the idiotic writing and the touchy-feely directing.... and because after Rogue 1 and VII it seemed like maybe they were (almost) heading back on track to do the story the justice it deserves ..... and then they do that.

* Lambchops spits on the ground and walks away

[shesycompany]

all the prequels blow.

[Certified MENSA Genius Brain (smart)]

If purple haired lady reassured the renegade pilot guy that she definitely had a plan and hed see it in time, the entire movie would never have happened

[I hate naggers]

i HATE this movie

[Certified MENSA Genius Brain (smart)]

Triggered mucgh, are we? 

[I hate naggers]

YES

[Lambchops]

If purple haired lady reassured the renegade pilot guy that she definitely had a plan and hed see it in time, the entire movie would never have happened

Same result if he wasn't a stupid dick.

i HATE this movie

You just like hating. I think you weren't hugged enough as a child.

all the prequels blow.

They have issues definately, but they're very different issues to this latest steaming pile.

[Certified MENSA Genius Brain (smart)]

If purple haired lady reassured the renegade pilot guy that she definitely had a plan and hed see it in time, the entire movie would never have happened

Same result if he wasn't a stupid dick.

Not really... she led him to believe she was just cruising til the fuel ran out and that they were all doomed, and she knows he's the type to go rogue too.  She basically set him up to do exactly what he did despite him coming in shouting at her repeatedly and giving every warning sign there possibly could be that he was about to take matters into his own hands.

[Lambchops]

If purple haired lady reassured the renegade pilot guy that she definitely had a plan and hed see it in time, the entire movie would never have happened

Same result if he wasn't a stupid dick.

Not really... she led him to believe she was just cruising til the fuel ran out and that they were all doomed, and she knows he's the type to go rogue too.  She basically set him up to do exactly what he did despite him coming in shouting at her repeatedly and giving every warning sign there possibly could be that he was about to take matters into his own hands.

Well the script is stupid, I agree, so I don't really want to defend it, but if Holdo made a mistake it was not throwing his dumb ass in the brig the first time he got stroppy.

The escape plan was obviously top secret and soon as Poe found out about it he leaked it to the enemy and got a heap of people killed.

He knew Finn and Rose were going straight into the middle of enemy territory - good chance of getting captured and tortured - and he knew that there would be a completely unknown criminal along with them, but the second he made contact with them he blabbed the whole thing. Bloody moron should have been court-martialed and shot on the spot.

How could it be that someone that stupid was in such a position of responsibility just because he was a good x-wing driver? Why would he ever be allowed access to a war-room with a big picture of the plan on the wall so he can smash things and throw a tantrum like a 2 year old, then leak it to the enemy? Why was he allowed to keep repeating this behavior until it eventually got people killed?

The ONLY part of the plot that makes any sense is that they didn't tell him, and actually she didn't lead him to believe anything, she just told him to STFU and do his job. Her mistake was that he ignored that order and she let him get away with it.... the whole thing is just so dumb dumb dumb that hard to know which plot-hole is worse.

[CumSavorer4385]

I have not seen this film OP

[Paper_Boy]

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine struggling to stay awake during a Star Wars film. It was an abomination and the writer needs to be put on trial for A Hate Crime against Humanity. A movies primary purpose is to entertain which it failed to do on a myriad of levels. They were overly concerned about espousing politically correct nonsense and destroying the entire Jedi mythology.  They turned Bad Ass Skywalker into an EMO mopey beta male and the female lead who didn’t wear any sexy outfits whatsoever and for some reason talks with a British accent. Insert random stuttering lisp, QUICK cut to the next minority to we fill our quota, Lets throw in a rant on income inequality, profiteering and how everyone is special… They made the main character essentially a super hero that doesn’t have to train or try for that matter and happens to be more powerful than Professor X. Kylo was basically a diatribe against “toxic male masculinity” making him a winey bitch who is hardly an imposing villain. All that build up for Snoke to uncermoniously kill him in the least spectacular fashion possible, hardly any cool light sabre battles…

  If Disney had any self respect
they would redo the movie because no true fan will ever consider it CANNON.. Just like the movie version of
Harry Potter - The Order of the Phoenix