Don't feel bad, Tora.
I've actually been afflicted by limerence to the point of stalkerish behavior too. I'm not even kidding when I tell you I actually stole a guy's half-drunk water bottle from his truck at night so I could touch it and put my mouth on it. I know. Bit extreme. But it's true.
Identifying and educating yourself on the phenomenon is the first and crucial step to recovery.
It is involuntary and can hit anyone, anytime, anywhere.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
From "Limerence" on Wikipedia, these are the physical and psychological effects of limerence:
Physical Effects
The physiological correlations of intense limerence can include seizure-like trembling, pallor, flushing, heart palpitations, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, and confusion predominate at the behavioral level. Less common effects include insomnia, loss of appetite, and passing out.
If there is extensive anxiety, incorrect behaviour may torpedo the relationship, which may cause physical responses to manifest intensely. Some people acutely feel these effects either immediately or following contact with the limerent object. Blended is dire ecstasy or keen despair, depending on the turn of events.
The sensitivity that stems from fear of rejection can darken limerent objects' perceived body language. Conflicted signs of desire may be emitted that confuse judgment. Often the limerent object is currently involved with another or is in some other way unavailable.
A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in some cases in the abdominal region.This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of rejection.
Psychological Effects
Sufferers complain of abandonment, despair, and diabolically humiliating disappointment. A sense of paralyzing ambiguity predominates, punctuated by pining. The fact of intermittent or nonreciprocal response lends to labile vacillation. This limbo is the threshold for mental prostration.
